Final Thoughts

Kositsky Family 2010

Our first post was on May 20, 2010. Exactly 32 months and 55 posts later we are calling it quits with this, our final entry. Life in the USA is back to "normal" and our adventures in Nicaragua, Peru and re-adjusting to the United States are over.

Emma and Hannah 
For our first post, we made a video of Emma and Hannah talking about the pending move to Nicaragua. We also took a video of them a month before moving to Peru in 2011. It seemed appropriate to make a final video about their expat experience. I suppose we were hoping for something profound and meaningful but instead we got something charming and funny (in just one take).

Emma and Hannah 2012
Emma and Hannah 2011
Emma and Hannah 2010

Aileen
We're all getting settled back in, and the novelty of life here is starting to wear off.  I'm no longer astounded by bus stops that not only have nice little benches, but alternating digital advertisements, a sign that tells you exactly in how many minutes your bus will be arriving, and a button to push to hear the arrival time, in case you can't see. (I'm no longer astounded, but those bus stops still make me think of our crazy bus trip about a year ago, that was supposed to be 15 hours long and ended up being 29!). And I no longer leave the grocery store with a single piece of fruit, because of the sticker shock. Getting back into the "groove" of everyday life here in the United States has definitely made me appreciate our adventure of the last two years even more. Looking back on all the amazing experiences we shared as a family and all the wonderful people and places we got to know make me want to encourage all of you who've said to us, "wow, I've always wanted to do that!"  Go for it!  What's stopping you???

In terms of lessons learned, I think I may have mentioned this in a previous post, but looking back, I really love the experiences that accentuate how we're all pretty much the same. Whether it's school in San Francisco, CA, or in Arequipa, Peru, the reaction to the question, "Who wants to be room parent this year?" is the same: averted eyes, squirming, and silence in which to hear a pin drop. And whether we live in a shack with a dirt floor in Nicaragua, or a 3 bedroom house in San Francisco, we all think at times, "It sure would be great if we had more space." And of course, every parent we met in every village, town, and city only wanted the best for their children. I guess that above all else, I hope that Emma and Hannah have learned this lesson in a meaningful way, and that it will influence their understanding of themselves as global citizens.

Jeff
Experiencing life overseas was a blessing beyond measure but perhaps not in the way one might expect. Buckaroo Banzai, one of my favorite movie characters, liked to say, "no matter where you go, there you are." I think that describes perfectly the expat experience. Moving overseas does not change who you are, broaden your mind, fix your weaknesses, make you skinnier, clear up your skin, or solve your problems. In fact, if you really throw yourself into the experience, living overseas tends to exacerbate whatever challenges you have in life while testing your strength and resolve. Fortunately, we came out the other end a bit stronger and a bit wiser, but essentially the same people we were before leaving the USA a few years ago. If there was any transformation that occurred, it was with our family as a whole rather than as four individuals. A friend who came to visit us in Nicaragua observed that we had become something more than a family and he declared us a tribe. We experienced some amazing things during the past two years and it was a joy watching Emma and Hannah become bilingual while moving from place to place with such grace and ease. However, for me, the best part of our adventure was having a special experience as a family. The kids still fight, the adults still bicker, and life is hardly perfect in the Kositsky household. However, having a few years without all of the commitments, complications and stresses of everyday life strengthened our family bonds and appreciation for everything and everyone we have in our lives.

*  *  *

In May 2010 we wrote....."the purpose of our trip was to help our daughters learn Spanish, to experience another culture together, and to have more family time in a relaxed environment. We would also like to make some sort of contribution to the communities we live in." And while it took a year longer than expected, we achieved all of these goals and came home feeling both fulfilled and relieved.  Relieved to be back among family and friends and thrilled to be living in Northern California which despite its faults (literally and figuratively) is a wonderful place to be.

Thank you so much for reading our blog. We started this project to keep a diary of our travels and share some experiences with a few family members and friends. We were very surprised and gratified at the number of people who told us they read our posts regularly. We hope to have a blog-worthy family adventure again someday but for now we are signing off the blogosphere.

With Love and Friendship,

Aileen, Emma, Hannah and Jeff

Kositsky Family 2012

Advice

Many people have asked us for advice about living overseas with children. This was supposed to be our last post but Aileen thought we should blog on this topic before signing off for good, so here it goes. If you are not interested in moving overseas, just read Emma and Hannah's entries - they offer good advice no matter where you are living.

Emma

1. Study the country you are living in.
2. Make friends with people or you will be bored.
3. Have fun!

Hannah

1. Don't forget your passport.
2. Don't bring things on the airplane you are not supposed to, like scissors.
3. Travel around the county you are living in.
4. Be nice to people around you.
5. Be safe.

Aileen

1. Do not send your kids to a fancy public school or to one of the American schools - you might as well stay home if you are going to do that.
2. Live in a place where there is not a large expatriate community.
3. Be mindful of the feelings and needs of each person in your family.
4. Travel light - you can buy what you need when you get there.

Jeff

1. Plan for 18 months overseas, one year is not enough and two years might feel too long.
2. Start your children at the beginning of the school year.
3. Given items 1 and 2, if we could do it all over again, I would have left the USA at the end of December 2010 and have the girls study Spanish in January. They then could have started elementary school overseas in February, which is the beginning of the school year in most of Latin America.  We then could have returned in August 2012. This would have been easier for everyone.
4. Try not to waste even one day - it goes by so fast.
5. If you are not working, volunteer someplace or get involved in a group or at your children's school so you can start building a local community.
6. Just do it. The hardest part is getting up the nerve to step out the front door - after that it is easy. Well, it is not always easy but it is easier than you think and worth the effort.

Random Thoughts on Logistics

1. In many countries, you can get by without having a work permit or residency if you are willing to leave the country every six months or so. Check expatriate websites for the country you are interested in for advice - the official embassy websites are often confusing and obviously not designed to help you work the system.
2. If possible, rent or sublet your home furnished while you are away and stuff your personal things in a closet, attic, friends house, etc. Try a website such as sabbaticalhomes.com to find a term tenant needing a furnished place for a fixed amount of time. If you play this right, you can earn some income or at least cover your USA housing/storage costs while maintaining a residence.
3. You do not need a property manager. We had a home warranty for any repair issues that came up (American Home Shield) and our tenants deposited the rent directly into our account.
4. It is very hard to open a bank account overseas. Find a USA bank that does not charge for using other banks' ATM machines. Also, find a credit card that does not charge for international transactions.  We used Citi as our bank and a Capitol One credit card and never paid any fees. We took care of all our financial needs with our ATM card and credit card without any trouble at all.
5. Bring 1 or 2 Ipads for books, movies, skyping, educational resources, etc.
6. Do not try to use your USA mobile phone overseas. It is easier to get one locally. If you want to keep you mobile number, switch your phone to a pre-paid plan while you are away and you have a USA number/phone you can use when you are home visiting and when you return for good. You might also consider getting a Skype number so folks in the USA can call you at no cost.
7. If you do not have a job, consider consulting if possible.  Jeff was able to charge half of what he would have in the USA and still earn over twice as much as he would have in Peru.
8. We had no idea how we would work out schooling before we moved to Nicaragua or Peru. In Nicaragua, we just showed up with our passports and that was enough. Peru was more complicated and it took some time to find a school that would accept us.  In both cases, everything worked out, but we were lucky.  Our daughters did not speak Spanish when we moved to Nicaragua and we just tossed them into the school no questions asked. In Peru, the girls had to take a test to get admitted to school and had they not spoken Spanish it might have been a problem enrolling them someplace. It might be worth researching this before you move overseas but there is always a solution if you are flexible.
9. There is no perfect age to move your children overseas. However, you should take into account where they are in their development as well as whether or not they want to go. This all has to be balanced with professional considerations as well as other family issues such as the need to care for aging parents. Emma and Hannah were 7 and 5 when we left and it worked very well for us. They were excited about the adventure and not too set in their ways that leaving was painful. It might have been a bit easier if Hannah was a year older but given all the other factors we had to contend with, it was the perfect time for us to go,

That is all we can think of right now. If you read all 50-something posts in this blog, you will find the stories behind this advice and probably identify some stuff we forgot to mention here. Regardless, if this is something you might want to do, just go for it. It is not that hard to pull off and totally worth the effort.  We will explain why it our next and yes, final post.

Settled In

Emma:
At first, coming back to the U.S.A. was sort of weird. I made many mistakes like speaking Spanish or putting toilet paper in the garbage can (you don't put it in the toilet in Latin America). I was thrilled to drink water out of a faucet! It is really nice to see friends and family and to know we would see each other again soon. However, I now miss my friends from Nicaragua and Peru!

I am in school at Fairmount Elementary. I really like Fairmount and I am happy there. I've made many really good friends at my new school. Also, I am a junior coach and help at recess. I play volleyball on the development team for the San Francisco Tremors, a competitive volley ball club. I still play guitar but now I have a different teacher named Julie. I started hip hop dance too but it's almost over and my parents said I cannot continue because we are so busy, especially since it is ski season.

I feel settled down and everything feels normal now. I am having my tenth birthday party soon and it is the first time to celebrate in the USA since I turned 7. Although I miss Peru and Nicaragua, I am happy to be home.

Jeff
I cannot believe we have been back in the USA for four months. Time sure flies. Emma wrote and typed her blog post in this edition all by herself. When she did her first post in 2010 she could barely write and I had to take dictation and edit. Same thing with Hannah. It is unbelievable how they have grown and changed.

I have been enjoying my freedom (from work) by bicycling, skiing and hanging out with friends.  However, having time to participate in our daughters' daily lives has given me the most joy. Cooking breakfast, taking them to school, and picking them up again has been a treat. Though I got to enjoy all these things overseas, it is nice to be doing them in our own home. In addition, I am volunteering in Emma and Hannah's classrooms and seeing them in action is wonderful. I cannot believe how well they have adapted to life in the USA. It has been a bit harder for me and I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the pace of life here. However, all of the open and generous people around us make the readjustment more then worth the effort. I am glad to be home.

Of course, it has not all fun and games. I have been doing consulting work and am still trying to get our house in order after being away for a few years. On top of this I am volunteering for an organization called WRAP and serving as the secretary at the Fairmount Elementary PTA. In addition to taking minutes, Secretary Jeff is trying to develop a program to encourage more interaction among the Latino and non-Latino families at the school.

Having all of this family, volunteer, and personal time has been great, but the party ends in January as I recently found work as the Chief Operating Officer of a nonprofit organization called Green For All based in Oakland. Now, all the pieces of the puzzle are in place.The adults have jobs, the children are in school, we have reconnected with our friends and family, and the house is almost unpacked. In other words, our adventures are coming to a close and our family has entered a new phase. Though there is always some sadness in transitions, our lives are full of joy and blessings and being away for so long made us appreciate how lucky we are to live in San Francisco surrounded by such wonderful friends and family.

Hannah
I feel sad and happy to be in the United States. I did not want to leave my really good friends in Peru but I am happy to see my old friends in the United States and to make new friends in my school. I already have some really good friends - Trudy, Natalia, Micah, Elsie, Ruby, Amelia, Stacy, Ella, Leslie, Brenda, and Lucia. I have also gotten to have play dates with friends from my old school - Nora, Willa, Zoe, Sam, and Helena. My school here in the United States is much easier than Peru because Peru is more advancado. We practice Spanish and now I am even better because they speak mostly Spanish at my school. I also go to gymnastics and violin lessons. I am also going to a class to help me read English better. My Dad asked me to say if it was hard or easy to come back to the USA.  I think it was in the middle.

Aileen
In August, Aileen returned to work as an teaching assistant in a special education class and continues to be una madre extraordinaria. Despite the fact that everyone always says they love the blog posts Aileen and the girls contribute to, Aileen continues to be a reluctant contributor and again failed to meet the publishing deadline. However, she promises to contribute to the next (and final) blog post in which we will share our final thoughts and perhaps reveal the meaning of life, the universe and everything.....